Doubleplusungood

An Early Relic of "Doublethink"

2004-07-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

Syme was going off on his usual jag about the virtues of Newspeak today in the lunchroom. He’s always lording it over the rest of us that he’s working on the 11th edition and we are not. He’s much too clever for his own good.

However, we did get into a good conversation about doublethink today. When we pressed Syme to explain the concept to us – which, of course, is thoughtcrime – he seemed stumped for a moment. He then produced a piece of paper he had received from the pneumatic tube. A goodthinker – 6229 Molloy, W. – had sent it to him to have published in the new edition of the Newspeak dictionary (after the necessary rectification, of course!) which brilliantly explains the ability of holding two contradictory thoughts at the same time and being able to reconcile them.

Back in the days when people were accustomed to oldthink, and before the Republican Party evolved into the Inner Party, it was a bit more difficult to fully engage in doublethink. But, thanks to the tireless efforts of George W. Bush and his party hacks they were able to achieve an early form as the following item illustrates:

THINGS YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO BE A REPUBLICAN TODAY:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offence. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defence policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

From all of us here at the Ministry of Truth - doubleplusgood!!!

Fahrenheit 451 in Iowa

2004-07-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

This story was brought to our attention by our friend in the Minitrue Nonfiction Department, 6094 Lyman, V.; Syme, Parsons and I about laughed ourselves silly with this one. In fact, Parsons laughed so hard that VICTORY GIN started coming out his nose!

The most interesting about this story is that no one questions the morality of burning books – I mean, after all, they are a thoughtcrime. The Thought Police could not have done any better!

Fire department bars book-burning

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) -- A church's plan for an old-fashioned book-burning has been thwarted by city and county fire codes.

Preachers and congregations throughout American history have built bonfires and tossed in books and other materials they believed offended God.

The Rev. Scott Breedlove, pastor of The Jesus Church, wanted to rekindle that tradition in a July 28 ceremony where books, CDs, videos and clothing would have been thrown into the flames.

Not so fast, city officials said.

"We don't want a situation where people are burning rubbish as a recreational fire," said Brad Brenneman, the fire department's district chief.

Linn County won't go for a fire outside city limits, either.

Officials said the county's air quality division prohibits the transporting of materials from the city to the county for burning.

Breedlove said a city fire inspector suggested shredding the offending material, but Breedlove said that wouldn't seem biblical.

"I joked with the guy that St. Paul never had to worry about fire codes," Breedlove said.
The new plan calls for members of the church to throw materials into garbage cans and then light candles to symbolically "burn" the material.

Copyright 2004 The Associated Press.

This is just a test....

2004-07-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

In the event of a real emergency....blah, blah, blah. Oh, wait a minute...there is a real emergency, it's called the Bush Administration.